Home Sweet Home

My house is my home, energized and never serene. Between myself, my 21 yr. old sister, mother, father, 11 yr. old brother, adopted 7 yr. old brother, assorted foster children, cousins and friends staying the night, assorted neighbor children, passerby who thought it was an open house, and that clown looking for a job, it is generally pretty exhausting. Also, as we have only 3 bedrooms it gets a little crowded. for the past few months I have resigned to crashing on the couch (as I am legally obligated to, considering the youngsters currently in use of ‘my’ bed) and keeping to my computer and the outdoors during daylight hours. I’m continuing my struggle against both reality and fiction (not going so well) and stretching to enjoy the silence once the little ones have gone to bed. As you can tell from my description above, the house is too small and holds too many people to remain in perfect condition. There are numerous small cleaning and repair projects being assaulted on a daily basis. Most of them spearheaded by my seemingly tireless mother, who, even after having had to replace an entire knee joint along with the connecting bone matter, is not content to relax and heal. She’ll put this new piece of metal to the test! I try and stay out of the way mostly, not causing any problems, but not putting a massive amount of effort in contribution towards solving any either. I find that the more detached I am from the inevitable arguments over these problems, the easier it is to find a suitable solution. oh well. just felt like writing really. if all else fails, comment with something to inspire me.

Definitely thinking too much

I got home last night to see my family watching the 1998 Jim Carrey film “The Truman Show”. The movie is about a man (Truman) who is adopted as an infant and spends his whole life in a manufactured environment. He is filmed on live, unedited television 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. He lives his entire life not knowing that he is being filmed for the whole world to see. I was fortunate enough to walk in to hear what is, in my opinion, the most important line in the whole film. Christof, the director of the fictional show, explains why Truman lives in this world (mostly) without question. “We accept the reality with which we are presented. It’s as simple as that.”

Naturally, this spurred alot of existential thoughts. How much of what we perceive as real is manufactured? How much is defined and absolute? Is everything subject to be twisted by our perception? There is little kids’ game where they try and pass a phrase by whispering it to each other to see how distorted it gets. Are all ‘truths’ open to interpretation like that? Instead of just sitting there thinking, I went out looking for other things to compare to this. I found an article from my past English class written by Jean Baudrillard (I’ve included it on my widget if anyone wants to read it) . In “Disneyland”, (Baudrillards article) Baudrillard mentions how things are falsely represented by our ideologies in order to hide the more unpleasant reality from ourselves. He talks about the ‘real’ is no longer real because it is hidden “a bit like prisons are there to hide that it is society in its entirety, in its banal omnipresence, that is carceral.” Baudrillard opens the train of thought that we hide and reveal things in our mind and the world to create a ‘reality’ that is easier to handle, or simply more believable.

The immensely popular movie “The Matrix” opens the concept that reality is manufactured for us. In the film it is done by a ‘race’ of machines, but those machines could be replaced by almost anything and the concept would still work. You could say God shapes our reality, or Allah, or any other deity religion has named for us. This is a more frightening concept to me. Likely because I’m uncomfortable with the idea of having no control over the various aspects of my life. In “The Matrix” a ‘perfect’ reality is built for people to live in. They are left with no knowledge of the real world, and (for the most part) can’t tell the difference.

I’m left wondering about all the ins and outs of reality. The most frustrating thing being that there are so many theories in existence that are just that, theories. If any one of them could be proved irrefutably true, it would be the most widely accepted theory and, in actuality, no longer be a theory.

I may blabber about this topic some more in the future, but for now, TTFN. Tata for now

I know I’ve written alot today, but bear with me.

I was playing one of my old games today. As I finished up an story that I have finished many times, My mind started wandering to the identity and motives of the hero. What was it that heroes do that make them heroes? Everyone can point out a hero they know of in fiction or reality, but how often do we really think about what makes them heroes? Are there any specific attributes that make us love them so much? Or is it all just the way the present themselves? I started thinking, and inevitably, started writing.

The words of Arthur Ashe came to mind. “True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” A hero is defined not by single act or catchphrase, but by servitude. This rings true through time and history, how every man, woman, and child could be the hero of someone else’s life. Servitude is a demonstration of the care that a person feels for another person. By subjecting herself to the needs of someone else, the hero shows that they are capable of representing the virtues that define heroism. Of all the virtues written across fables and religious books the world over, three in particular stand out as heroic. Three interwoven virtues to heroism by servitude are integrity, actions, and attitude.
Heroes would be unlikely to perform any heroic feats if they were not guided by their own set of values. These values can stem from religion, tradition, or an overdeveloped sense of justice. The values that can define a hero are more commonly centered around what is best for the community. By keeping to their personal codes of honor, these heroes show that they place great importance on living a moral life. In a society where the importance of a moral life is undermined as it is in America’s media it is amazing that anyone can be morally inclined. A hero need only be focused on assisting the people around her in order to claim this heroic virtue. Thus is a hero guided by the integrity of his creed and faith.
However, Hebrews states that faith without deeds is dead. Without acting in a way consistent with their beliefs, the hero can not honestly claim such beliefs. Thus heroes could be defined by the actions they take and the way they react to circumstances around them. A doctor could be a hero for performing surgery to save the life of a man with cancer. A soldier could become a hero by saving a team by risking her own life. Both the doctor and the soldier have submitted themselves in servitude; the doctor served his patient while the soldier serving his country. Actions of self-sacrifice can defines a hero, no matter how trivial they may be. As Edgar Watson Howe said, “A boy doesn’t have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn’t like pie when he sees there isn’t enough to go around.” By surrendering their own desires for the benefit of others, anyone can achieve this level of heroic virtue.
Even the actions the hero performs may not weigh as much as his attitude while he performs them. Although it can manifest itself in many different ways, a heroic attitude is usually aligned with a hero’s religion or life philosophy. A hero could be defined by a defiant attitude against a great oppressor, a humble attitude when speaking to peers, or even a caring attitude when assisting others. The attitude that defines a given hero is one of the essences of who they are. The hero acts and speaks in a manner that sets her apart from the less congenial members of society. A person’s attitude changes the way other people react to them, so a person with a very poor attitude is unlikely to ever be regarded as a hero. By keeping to a positive outlook on life, a hero’s attitude can earn him/her this third heroic virtue.
“When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.” These are the words of Joseph Campbell, the author of Hero with a Thousand Faces. Joseph believes as I do, that only by rising to the occasion and doing what must be done, rather than what one would like to do, can one ever truly become a hero. All of the heroic virtues that have and could have been listed are interwoven to form one word; that word is servitude. The hero only becomes a hero when she has been in willing submission to another. The mark that a hero leaves on another person’s life is astonishing. By surrendering privileges or freedoms for the sake of another, the hero cements the quality of those actions into the mind of the person being served. As was said by Benjamin Disraeli, “The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example.”

A Knife in the Dark

I wrote this some time ago. I believe about two to three years ago. I stumbled across it in the old files on my computer and thought I might share it. It’s not the most profound thing ever written, but regardless of that, I still enjoyed writing it. Hopefully you all can enjoy reading it.

I am Revenge. I am motivated, innovative, and can take any form. I am a retaliation against wrongs committed. I am viewed a friend by the downtrodden or abused. I am the cause of wars and feuds. I promise justice, but only grant more pain to anyone involved. I cloud minds, twist pure motives, manipulate thoughts, and crush ideas of forgiveness. I dwell in the minds of many and foster anger in all whose thoughts I enter. Tainting otherwise clean hearts, I instill a burning desire to act upon hellish impulses. I place degrading and demeaning words in the mouths of previously kind people. I stifle any good intention or pure motive that my victims ever held. I wound both the offender and the offended equally, though not always in the same way. I bring temporary bliss while I hide the fact that believing in me is emotional suicide. I give the illusion of satisfaction, while leaving a desire for more pain. I punish those who are innocent, kill those who are blameless, and torture any who believe that I am the answer. I am degrading to all involved. I am a blemish, a stain on the canvas of my victims’ lives. I crush the hope for bright futures. I will make any of my followers leave their dreams behind as they search for an illusion of justice. I cause death, debt, broken hearts, and blood to stain the hands of anyone who acts upon my urgings. I am always pushing for more pain and anger. I am the dirty little secret. I am the last punch thrown. I am a shot in the dark. I am a long pursued grudge. I am the darkest manipulation of the heart. I am Revenge.

Bleeding on Paper

While I can’t remember who said it, I have heard someone say that a good writer must bleed onto the page. A part of himself must be left behind for another person to find. While I don’t know an insane amount about writing, I know that those are some pretty lofty standards. It does say something important to me though. That no matter what you are writing, you shouldn’t hold back. Write what is painful to write. Write what is frightening to admit. Write about what worries you, scares you, drives you, builds you, breaks you, forms you. Write about things that tell other people more than idle conversation can ever share. You can know many things about someone, and still not know anything about who they really are. Maybe this is just me, but the idea of leaving something behind on paper so others can try and understand me long after I am gone, well, it makes me wonder how much I am really leaving behind for them. I think that writing is one thing that we can all pursue, leaving something for generations to come. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I will do my best to imprint my soul on a page.

Video games and Psychology

Everybody has an opinion on video games. You either love them or hate them. Jack Thompson hates them. Hundreds of millions of people love them. Personally I am an avid gamer, and as such I was enthralled by The Daedalus Project. I have spent some time playing games and find it very easy to identify with this. The Daedalus Project is a study of the psychology of a specific group of video gamers. This focuses mainly on MMORPG gamers. MMORPG stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. I did a study on this same topic in high school for my final paper. I included the paper for download on the widget to your left there. In case any of you are curious. Anywho, I gotta run. Responsibility is calling me. *grumble, grumble* I’ll try and post again later.

Opinions and ‘Editorials’

Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog…………

We can write about what we want and tell people what we think about it. Entirely anonymous, and secure in our own homes, we can feel free to happily pound away at our keyboard. With so many opinions out here, and so little chance of ever actually confronting the people that their writing may insult, so many bloggers can use prejudiced, unsubstantiated claims just because they know that someone, somewhere is listening to them. While this Anonymity can be a good thing, allowing the ‘little people’ to finally get their opinions out in the same volume, could it also be a bad thing? I’m not quite positive which way to lean with this one. Forum boards are a perfect example of the results of anonymity. So many people posting with no fear of confrontation. The vast majority of posts (in my experience) are angry, rude, crude, insulting, violent, or hedonistic. The internet comic Penny Arcade put it the simplest with this post. (Ignore the swearing if it offends you. If you look behind you and scream real loud, maybe you won’t see or hear these words.) ( How in the heck are you going to hear a blog post?) ( now I’m just confusing myself)

That’s the downside of anonymity. There is a happier side though. The number of political blogs has only increased of late. More entertaining sites (that may actually fund their hosts) are popping up everywhere. One of my personal favorites is Waiter Rant. It’s a blog hosted quite literally by a waiter. Another one of your average everymen trying to make a living and putting what he learned out for others to see.

All that being said, Internet and blog anonymity can be either a good thing or a bad thing. It’s really all in how you look at it. The few of you who might know who I really am, can chuckle at this smugly. Everyone else can just trust that I am that as I say I am. Or not, but do what you want. I’m gonna spew my comments out anyways. Of course, doesn’t everybody? After all newspapers pay people to write ‘Opinion Editorials’. It is the same news, just with an added tilt of someone injecting their own thoughts into the mix. Seems like blogging to me. I’m not sure how long these Opinion Editorials have been circulating, so I don’t know which one came first. However, blogging and opinionated news seem to go hand in hand. After all, whether we agree with them or not, most of the time we enjoy hearing someone else’s thoughts on the world around us. News of the Weird is another fun site, it is a general news site updated weekly with the added twist that all of the reported news will be ‘weird’.

Maybe it is just a self-righteous desire to compare our own ideas to another’s, maybe it is a genuine interest in the presented topics. Whichever, this kind of thing seems like it will be around for a while. I’m ready for it. My opinions are out there now. I’m posting them already. What are yours? Comment or not, it’s your choice, but now I’m curious as to what you all think about this.

Anyways. TTFN, Ta Ta For Now

Following Up.

I told you I would do it. I did, didn’t I? And look at that, I followed through. To those of you who remember what I said, I did it. I posted that English paper up here. You don’t have to read it, but if you do, feel free to comment on it. You can download the file from that Box Widget on the side of the screen there. It’s kind of funny how a paper I intended to be on Mesopotamian culture ended up pushing into the war in Iraq. So many things seem to relate to the war lately. Regardless, I hope you can all throw some comments my way.

Time Well Spent.

So….. No one felt like responding to my quote a couple of days ago. So I figure your punishment is to listen to me describe my research paper at length. To summarize it, my paper is written on the historical and anthropological value behind the ancient city of babylon and the destruction of it by the U.S. Military. Simply put, that’s it. Not so simply put, it fills six pages and more. I’ll post the whole paper when I finish the final draft. I figure those of you interested enough to read it can do so, and everyone else can just push “next”.

On to more … Interesting topics. I recently stumbled upon a video extolling the theories behind different dimensions and string theory in unusually simple terms. Imagining the fourth dimension can be a headache at times, but they go as far as dimension ten! Anyways, its probably better to let you see it yourself. Here you go.

Hows that? Pretty mind blowing, isn’t it. Makes me want to go back to bed. If there really is that much out there that we are unaware of, then I’m little more than a load of cosmic spittle. And yet, the stone at the top of the mountain would not be there if not for the stones on the bottom. I suppose I can’t go much farther into this with getting all existential. So I suppose I can leave you all to the aspirin you undoubtedly need after that video. I’ll see you all later.

Just to get you thinking

I’m gonna try and throw a ‘random’ quote or some such oddity out there whenever I post. Whichever of you are bothering to read this drivel of mine, go ahead and throw a comment my way. Give me a topic to banter about. I’d greatly appreciate it. Anyways, just to break any possible tension that might exist over the internet (who knows? It could happen.) I’ll throw a quote out there now.

“The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car—I forget what kind it was—and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called “Dad.” We’d eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.” —Jack Handy— Deep Thoughts.

Hows that for randomity? I hope it gets those of you who care enough to comment chuckling enough to go out and find some more deep thoughts for me.